Excerpts from the journal....
Monday. Morning. I have a surge of energy. It is either: spring, getting enough sleep, eating properly all weekend, this sunny morning, being happy with my BF, all of the above, or mania. At last! A bit of swing-up after the swing-down. And I know what to do: pace. Even if I feel I have tons of ever-lasting energy, I must go slow. Don't burn it out in one go. Slow and steady. S-t-e-a-d-y. Remember to breathe.
Tuesday. Afternoon. Did bugger-all for most of day except determine that the Eurostar fares for Brussels-London have increased to the point where, if we can't stay with ex-husband's sister, we won't be going. I am waiting for a tram to meet the Eldest to buy some shoes. Dropped the Youngest off at home. Eldest announced this morning that she needs trainers for a journée sportif (sportive?) on Thursday. At least she didn't wait until Wednseday at 6 pm... I don't really care that I'm cramming this shopping in, I'm so brain-dead and need to eat and I-don't-know-what. Mental List: One. I need to reply to a commenter on my blog (I have a reader!). Two. Find a crumb of motivation to write some poems for Friday evening. Three. I really want Chinese food.
Wednesday afternoon. Another day of sunshine. Girls went to their father's after school, so I have a free couple hours to go to the library before meeting them in the neutral zone (aka in front of the Delhaize). Did not make any headway vis-à-vis London. BF emailed that he isn't feeling well so I may not see him later. My thoughts turn to what to make for dinner. Bloody hell...
I spend too long in the library. It turns into 4 pm. Have to meet the girls at 5. Also, need to do some shopping. Also, I need to eat. Couldn't be bothered earlier. Always a rash course. Wouldn't do shopping either, except we've run out of garbage bags and English muffins. But tonight at last we are going to eat Chinese!
List du jour - The Chapters in Alain de Botton's "How Proust Can Change Your Life":
1. How to Love Life Today
2. How to Read for Yourself
3. How to Take Your Time
4. How to Suffer Successfully
5. How to Express Your Emotions
6.How to Be a Good Friend
7. How to Open Your Eyes
8. How to Be Happy in Love
9. How to Put Books Down
Thursday. Morning. A quick turnaround at the bus stop. Again, sun. Real, yellow sun. Frankly, I have to admit, it is almost too much.
For some reasons I can't bring myself to write or work on any writing. Is a stretch of a couple of weeks the longest I can do? I suppose that tomorrow morning when I must come up with something I will do so. I don't feel any pressure. Could that be it? But where (oh where, oh where) is my deep motivation? Where is the wanting? The drive? Where is the little dog of desire, nipping at my heels and compelling me to make things? All I can think is I really need a break.... preferably, out in the country near a stream and no one for miles except for BF and the girls who will bring me coffee, fresh bread, and newspapers. For as long as I want.