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25 May 2009

Poetry: sex and power shocker. Is this Oxford or EastEnders?


Well, now you have it. And here, too, if you prefer the Guardian. Leading poets vie for top Oxford spot -- or a guest week on EastEnders!

Episode one: Someone, anonymously, tips off press about one candidate's sexual misbehaviours (because the press are sure to miss that!)... The other most likely candidate denies she's involved. So unfortunate, but nothing to do with her. Nick Cotton looks suspicious.

Episode two: The first candidate does, indeed, have quite a history of sexual predation, practised largely on his female students. Although he probably would have been given the post, he withdraws his candidacy. Will Phil start drinking again?

Episode three: The rest of the square takes sides. Stacey wears the shortest skirt in the history of television.

Episode four: The "tipper" gets the spot. Billy faces his fears.

Episode five: It comes out that the that the tipper emailed the press about her opponent's history. The tipper admits it. Her former supporters call for her to step down, but she refuses... Peggy throws the lot of them out of the Vic.

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