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19 May 2009

What am I willing to do?

There are times I have to ask myself: what am I willing to do?

For instance....

Why am I willing to embark on a training course for something completely unrelated to writing, when what I want to do in my heart of hearts is be a writer, a published writer, maybe even a well-paid published writer?

I have been considering taking up a part-time course that would last at least 2 years. I was motivated to do this by the deathly dullness of my day job. However, even assuming I passed the course with flying colours, it wouldn't mean I would be able to quit the day job. It would just mean I could ease the pain a little.

But while easing the pain a little sounds OK in theory, the truth is, this isn't what I really want to do. And the time I would need to do it in would not come out of the day job. We all know what would be sacrificed.... Writing time. That precious substance.

And why am I willing to shift time around, including 4 tutorial weekends per year, for this training course, but not for my writing projects?

Why do I think I am justified in asking for help with those weekends (e.g., with the children), but not for writing-related weekends?

I've been dreaming of taking an Arvon course in November, Starting to Write a Novel. But if I start this other thing, I won't be able to do that.

The bottom line question is, why don't I put my efforts into what I really want?

Sometimes I feel like I used to know how to do that: do what I wanted. Did I use up all my selfishness? How can I get it back?

3 comments:

  1. a tough decision I guess.

    I would say, do what you love, but if the writing thing isn't happening or is frustrating to you (which I am sort of reading from your blog), maybe this other course will satisfy you for 2 years and then you can make another decision on where to go from there.

    Will the 2 year course really interest you?
    Could you take the Arvon course another year?
    It's a toss up over what you think is best.
    Be selfish!!!! :-)
    You always have good advice for others.....what about yourself!!

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  2. I've been waiting for this post.

    Go to Shropshire, (Salop for the locals) it's a pretty place.

    Yes we can.

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  3. Patti, I have decided to be selfish.

    SGL, you are the best!

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