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14 July 2009

Largely unedited journal excerpt: 14 July (morning)



I am missing my morning hour of writing. My solution (I thought) was to get up early, 5.30, and do yoga and write. This I managed yesterday but today I snoozed well past 6, which leaves me here at 6.45 with about 30 minutes to write. Write! My head is full of figuring out how best to get another half an hour. What if I come back home after taking the girls to their stage*? What about that and then work 11-4 instead of 10-3?

That would work if I bring a lunch and maybe only sneak out around the corner for a cappuccino.

I don't have to go to the Delhaize tonight; last night I was clever and bought something to cook for this evening. So perhaps there's a bit of time when we get home this evening. I have decided against allowing (asking?) the girls to come home from the stage on their own. It's downtown, not around the corner. They'll be on their own in the big loose world soon enough.

Next week is going to be even tougher, because my parents will be here and the girls will sleep upstairs with me. Our upstairs is one big open space used for a variety of functions, most relevant my bedroom and my office. Usually not a problem. But while the p's are here I will have to get up quietly and then type even more quietly. Also, no morning yoga.

Thank god I am getting better about asking, or telling, the BF to allow me some space.... instead of contorting myself to fit his (and everyone else's) schedule. And then being really frustrated when something changes, when I was relying on all the contortions to stay in place. I don't know why it has been such a struggle to acknowledge this bottom line. Everyone has their own challenges, this is one of mine.... Anyway I am patting myself on the back: the other day I confessed that I would be insane and/or very very cranky unless I had at least the mornings to myself, completely and utterly. Again, I don't know why I struggle to acknowledge my need for solitude. Perhaps a fear of that the solitude will veer off into loneliness? But I am lucky lucky lucky. The BF was completely understanding.

(later)

Got the girls to stage by 8.45. Now it is 9.35 and I am back at desk, having: (1) stopped at bakery for couque aux raisins; (2) made a hummus, avocado and tomato on flatbread sandwich to take to work; (3) tidied the kitchen; (4) made a coffee. Let's see what can be accomplished in 35 minutes.

(later)

Did 327 words. New total is 5572. I think my target this week is 7000. Amazing! I might even be on schedule!



*stage = Brussels word for day camp

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