Having been in a state of quasi-crisis that was entirely self-imposed (and possibly brought on by working through the exercises in The Prosperous Heart, more of which later), the crisis finally reached its peak and I was able to see it for what it was:
I am in the middle, and the middle is a tough place to be.
The middle is where your arms get tired and your back aches and you're sweating.
The middle is where you can see neither where you've come from (and anyway there's no going back), nor where you're headed – not least because the shape of the future is constantly shifting.
The middle is where you have to remind yourself: this is why I am doing this. This is why, this is why, this is why.
I feel like I'm in the middle of precisely everything that's going on in my life, with little more to show as achievement than some good beginning, some auspicious starts.
Now comes the crunch, the follow-through....the perseverance, the maintaining of momentum. This is no time to crack up, but the time to knuckle down, and not be distracted by what other people have done or the choices they've made – why is it that these things start to look so attractive, despite being the things I didn't want, paths I consciously chose not to take? I don't know, and I've decided that trying to find out is not worth pursuing. It's just part of the minefield that is being in the middle, and the best thing I can do is observe, take note, and move on.